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this journal is explicitly to help lupin096 however, anyone struggling with a writing skill may come for assistance if they feel they need it
alright lupin096 are you ready for a critique? because I need to get this out so we can calculate what you would like to tackle first. so brace yourself...
I'm going to start with the bad news so the good new means a little more
things I didn't like/things you need to improve:
1. your word flow was very disoriented, disorganized and confused
2. you did not properly describe, well, almost anything the entire story. IE: the main character: all I know is his eye color, his gender and I think his name. I know you said it though.
3. you're main character seemed very emotionally "blank" and "flat"
4. your characters tend to lack development and good dynamics
things I liked about your work:
1. your concept with this story was amazing. and a good idea is a major foundation in a piece of writing
2. you have a fair understanding of plot. and I would love to see it in full force
if it sounds bad don't worry, we are not starting from scratch here. all it really boils down to is something we all call "execution" so I believe we should work on your word flow first. give me your input on what you think you want to learn first, we'll talk about it but what you want learn first trumps what I think you should learn to a degree.
take your time, think clearly and stay positive
alright lupin096 are you ready for a critique? because I need to get this out so we can calculate what you would like to tackle first. so brace yourself...
I'm going to start with the bad news so the good new means a little more
things I didn't like/things you need to improve:
1. your word flow was very disoriented, disorganized and confused
2. you did not properly describe, well, almost anything the entire story. IE: the main character: all I know is his eye color, his gender and I think his name. I know you said it though.
3. you're main character seemed very emotionally "blank" and "flat"
4. your characters tend to lack development and good dynamics
things I liked about your work:
1. your concept with this story was amazing. and a good idea is a major foundation in a piece of writing
2. you have a fair understanding of plot. and I would love to see it in full force
if it sounds bad don't worry, we are not starting from scratch here. all it really boils down to is something we all call "execution" so I believe we should work on your word flow first. give me your input on what you think you want to learn first, we'll talk about it but what you want learn first trumps what I think you should learn to a degree.
take your time, think clearly and stay positive
Account moving :/
yeah, it about time I got a fresh start. never thought I'd need one but alas, I do.
not sure how many peeps still have eyes on this page but a few cool ones do.
if you wish to keep up with my future work, the new account can be found here https://plexisillproductions.deviantart.com/
however, I might still check back here from time to time.
While this is Irrelated to the move,
I know I've made a few mistakes in my time here. some trivial artistic and some deeply personal.
for those personal ones, y'all know who you are if you see this and I'd like to apologize. even if I don't have the nerve to do so directly.
I am sorry. you were right. a
is this the real world?
make a group of friends. share laughs. have fun.
...then watch them walk away one at a time.
but then was anything they said real?
I was mistaken and thanks for wishes :)
so I was here to log on at my birth date but neglected to do so as this page sees very little activity. that said, I wasn't actually expecting B-day wishes from... well, anyone. :/
none the less TwitchSwitch (https://www.deviantart.com/twitchswitch) Erediell (https://www.deviantart.com/erediell) and Mighty-C-amurai (https://www.deviantart.com/mighty-c-amurai) all banged out a few nice words for me yesterday (well it's 1am so whatever).
except Twitch who showed up a day late. however, she had started that page and said "FREINDS! COMMENT SO I CAN RE-FOLLOW YOU!" and like the self doubting dumbass I am, I never did that. none the less, her comment addressed me as "friend" and a watch back was finally reinstated.
I started to type this up on the edge of tears. se
emotional experiment? isn't that everything you do
uh, maybe...
anyways, after I did this picture
I noted how hard the emotions boiled inside. not from anger but more from an overload.
as I mentioned, this was trying to capture two sides me. I had options, of course. but I settled for these two. the side that knows pain and the side that wants to fight it. and I instantly fell in love with the idea. even going as far as to give it a name
Shattered Self. a bit cheesy but but follows my mundane name conventions right after Self Internal. I want to continue to depict these sides of myself. I may be crying my eyes out while I do it but it feels nice. and it feels like it has meaning.
that sa
© 2016 - 2024 xijhm
Comments18
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alright lupin096 here it is... long over due in my opinion...
any ways, I want you to pick two (2) segments from your story, please stick with the item Critique-LIT looked at with me, these segment can be from anywhere in the story but must be five (5) to seven (7) sentences long.
I will take one and you will take one. I will take the segment you give me and rewrite it three (3) times in my own words explaining in detail why I chose that arrangement. then it will be your turn. three (3) times in different ways for the segment.
I would pick the segment I do myself but I feel that if I give you that freedom you might get more out of it. if you disagree then I will go pick a segment of my choosing but you must pick your segment. that is non-optional.
any ways, I want you to pick two (2) segments from your story, please stick with the item Critique-LIT looked at with me, these segment can be from anywhere in the story but must be five (5) to seven (7) sentences long.
I will take one and you will take one. I will take the segment you give me and rewrite it three (3) times in my own words explaining in detail why I chose that arrangement. then it will be your turn. three (3) times in different ways for the segment.
I would pick the segment I do myself but I feel that if I give you that freedom you might get more out of it. if you disagree then I will go pick a segment of my choosing but you must pick your segment. that is non-optional.